Wednesday Night Washout

I’m not going to complain – I made this bed, I’ll lie in it. Oooooh….. bed does sound good right now though.

I’m tired today. No,….. tired suggests I need a nap. I’m spent. I slept poorly last night and had a difficult day at work. I skipped my workout, stress-ate at dinner, and now I’m trying to muster the focus required for 2 hours of homework when I’ve maybe got a quality 45min left in me. At this point in the night a caffeine rally won’t help. I wish I could say this was unusual, but this exact situation has occurred at least once a week for the last three years. Oddly enough, it’s almost always Wednesdays.

I was idealistic, optimistic, and a bit arrogant when I started this journey. I can work full time in a mentally taxing job, be a wife, a friend, have hobbies, and get straight A’s in school! Sure! No problem! I am a bottomless well of passion and energy! This illusion fell apart quickly when Organic Chemistry and a 9-credit semester brought me to my knees, and long nights/weekends of studying started to wear me down. Since that semester I’ve learned to recognize the symptoms as the result of being sleep-short. When my sleep suffers, everything else does too: work, relationships, eating & exercise habits, and my homework is poor quality because I can’t string two complete thoughts together. I started having bad anxiety (like dietetics students don’t already) and realized I was pushing myself too hard. My body had found the end of its reserves, and I didn’t care much for that feeling. I have limits?!?!

It’s tough for me to say stop. There’s always more I could be doing – a paper I could be working on, research for my group project, refining my DICAS application materials, reading for the next quiz, etc. but I think tonight I’ll give myself permission to be fragile and pack it up early.

Well, I can still get that one assignment turned in……